Seek. Find.
But as I stood ready to board my plane in Florida, the constant text message pings from my iPhone testified that something was wrong. Initially it was the simple disappointment of a delay in Amy's flight. After landing in Chicago she'd have to run from one terminal to another to make the plane. Within a couple more "dings" it was clear...our flight together had just vanished into the jet stream. Delays were piling up. We'd have to just meet at Sea-Tac. It was going to be a late night for her. Come on, American Airlines. You're killing me. We are totally flying JetBlue next time.
And finally the text that stopped my heart...
"Lost my ID. Freaking Out. TSA can't find it either. "
You have got to. Be. Kidding. Me. How in the world is she going to be able to travel without her ID? My heart sank.
She had looked everywhere. She had retraced the steps of HOURS of time she had spent stranded at the Richmond airport. Nothing. She had revisited the bathroom stalls, gift shops, restaurants, coveted seats next to the phone chargers. Nothing. In tears, she trudged back to Security, hopeful that they would allow her to search the gargantuan towers o' bins that were stacked up around the TSA screeners. Surprisingly (eh hem) they said no. But they went through the bins on her behalf. No trace of it. Her ID was nowhere to be found. Gone. And attached to it, wherever it was, were dreams of our highly anticipated, planned-for-months weekend together. She dropped to the floor there next to a TSA agent, defeated. Having dumped the contents of her shoulder bag on the tile floor, she proceeded to rifle through it again for the 8th or 9th time in desperation when she heard the craziest words she had ever heard:
"Look in your shoe."
"Huh? Look in my shoe? What do you mean look in my shoe? I've been walking around in these shoes for hours. If my ID were in my shoe I would have known it. Look in my shoe? Phhhhffftt."
"Look in your shoe," the agent said again with a sincere wisdom ringing through. "It happens."
Reluctantly, Amy removed her shoes and peered inside. And there, like the Golden Ticket in a Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar was her ID. All this time. Directly underneath the sole of her foot. She had shoved it in there in preparation for the conveyor belt trip through the x-ray machine and forgotten to retrieve it on the other side. How in the world had she missed that it was there?! She had looked in every imaginable place...everywhere except right where she stood. She had trudged an entire airport looking and it had been with her all the time. What. Just. Happened?
I wish I didn't relate to this story as much as I do. But oh, I do. Sometimes it seems my entire existence apart from God could be characterized as a woman searching desperately for her identification...or identity...while completely missing the fact that it has been right here all along. I feel the disappointment, the inner turmoil, when I decide that who I am is dependent upon certain variable truths, when I frame myself in with an identity that isn't accurate, and it falls apart.
"I know who I am. I'm Leigh-Ann, the best friend. I'm Leigh-Ann, the perfect wife. I'm Leigh-Ann, the homeschooling mom whose kids have it all together. Leigh-Ann, the creative one. Leigh-Ann, the organized one. Leigh-Ann, the achiever. Leigh-Ann, the social one. Leigh-Ann, the consistently happy one who doesn't mind moving to a new state every 5 minutes and who maintains a perfect size whatever."
So often I find I'm trying to find an identity on a conveyer belt of variable, moving parts. Who can be any of these things all the time? What happens when I'm not the perfect wife (which, quite frankly, is the rule more than the exception)? What happens when I'm unable to tap into my creative side? What happens when I'm not the one invited or not the one confided in? Who am I then? If I try to find my identity in any of these things I will inevitably fall apart as they do. If I rely on being any one or all of these things all the time I am setting myself up for failure because they are all impossible to sustain. Circumstances change. Surroundings change. Obligations change. Friends change. Bodies change. (I've had three babies. Seriously.) How can I possibly feel secure in anything? Who am I and how can I find constant, continuous peace in that? What can I ultimately rely on?
Have you looked in your shoe? No, really. Hear me out. Instead of looking around feverishly for the world to produce your identity, have you looked inside of yourself at what is promised never to change? Are you missing the most obvious answer as you look in every other possible place? Are you aware that the God of the universe has made you some never-ending promises and proclamations about who you are when you are in Him? Check this out:
According to Him
You are a child of the King, a child of God. (John 1:12)
You are an heir with Christ. (Romans 8:17)
You are Jesus' friend. (John 15:15)
You are justified and redeemed. (Romans 3:24)
You are free from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:2)
You are accepted. (Romans 15:7)
You are no longer condemned. (Romans 8:1)
You are wise, righteous and sanctified. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
You are new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
You are chosen. (Ephesians 1:4)
You are holy and blameless. (Ephesians 1:4)
You are loved and alive. (Ephesians 2:4-5)
You are provided for. (Phillipians 4:19)
You are complete . (Colossians 2:10)
You have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in Heaven. (Ephesians 1:3)
You are God's work and He created you to do good work. (Ephesians 2:10)
What are we feverishly searching for? And why? If we believe the promises God has made us, if we take to heart His actions on the cross on our behalf, we shouldn't need to search for anything. We should be secure and confident in everything we do, in every circumstance, in every situation because our identity is in Him, a holy and righteous and loving God.
God wanted us to be secure in who we are as believers of Christ because He has important things for us to be doing...things we can't possibly do if we're fretting over our size-whatever jeans or the party we didn't get an Evite to. We need to look into the mirror and proclaim the promises we KNOW are never-ending that have been made to us by a God we know is ever-faithful. True security. Build your identity on what will remain, not on what will change, and I promise you will never lose yourself again.
Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. Matthew 24:35
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
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