Why I Homeschool

If you saw the title of this blog post and decided to go forth and read it, you probably fall into one of three categories of people I know:

1) You're a homeschooler looking forward to a social media fist-bump from someone who sees the world as you do, and you're anticipating a public testimony that will reaffirm your own reasons for partaking in this crazy adventure, 2) you think homeschoolers are weird and you're braced for what you expect will be a homeschooling mom's soapbox rant about the destructive nature of today's public school system and its agenda to wipe out all morality or 3) you're just really interested to know how someone like me, a disorganized, selfish woman with my own ambitions, chose to risk the future of my offspring and take on this humbling, often challenging, 24/7 job of teaching my children myself.

If you fall into one of these categories, you may be surprised by what follows. If you don't fall into one of them, well...keep reading. This is for you, too. Let me tell you how it all began.

Two years ago I belonged, heart and soul, to Category 2.  Homeschooling was reserved for people who wore their hair in buns and who wore floor-length denim jumpers...fastened by straight pins. In my mind you would have to be a radical, stone-aged thinking lunatic to remove your kids from what the Joneses see as "good old American education" and take on this risky, monumental task that would basically throw all of your own personal desires and ambitions on the altar. I really hadn't considered a need to do it, and I certainly didn't have a desire to do it. As the ambitious owner of a graphic design studio that I ran out of my house and the busy wife of a Marine Officer, it just wasn't even something to ponder. Not at all on the radar. I was proud and relieved that our local public elementary school is one of the top in the nation and that my daughter, about to enter Kindergarten, would attend there and reap all the benefits.

But there was this...thing that I was dealing with. My sister was homeschooling her kids. And for whatever reason, despite the fact that I knew she was doing what she believed was right, it bothered me.

It bothered me when she would send pictures of her kids laying down with their school books opened in front of the fireplace, still in pajamas, the dog snoozing happily at their side. It bothered me that they took so much time off for "field trips," even if they were, admittedly, educational ones. It bothered me that their school day sometimes ended at noon because they had finished their work already. Doesn't she see how detrimental this is to her kids' future? What is she thinking? Why does she have to be so...so...unconventional? 

But a strange thing happened. The farther she got into homeschooling, the more impressive her kids became to me. Not just the scholastic kind of impressive...no, they were mature, capable, a great team, well-adjusted, a joy to be around. I saw bonding between the siblings and I saw marked spiritual growth in them. Dare I say it? They were the kind of kids I was hoping my kids would turn out to be.  I made the mistake one day of telling her this. And she responded.

"I think you would enjoy homeschooling. You should just pray about it."

Hey, psycho-sister-of-mine who used to put me in the clothes dryer and turn it on when I was a kid, I said I was proud of you and that I thought your kids were cool. I made no mention of drinking the Kool-Aid. Simmer down. Homeschooling is not for me. And I'm not going to pray about it.

But it was too late. The idea that maybe I should go before the Lord with something had stuck its little, pointy claws in me and it wasn't going to let go. For days and weeks I put it off because..well...why bother God with it? I KNOW I'm not supposed to do this. What is there even to pray about? At best, it would be a formality. But if you've been following this blog you probably know by now that God has a way of chasing me down when I run from Him and this time He was wearing some new Nike AirMax 90s.  He chased me right into submission...right onto my knees at the side of my bed. If I remember correctly, it all went something like this:

"God, I know you don't want me to homeschool. I know you don't want me to give up time that I could be doing very important ministry for you, or growing my business (the one that you gave me, remember?), or taking care of my home. So, please just let my sister know that she can stop bothering me about it. Yeah. Amen."

Seriously, it was that pathetic. But it was genuine and heartfelt and at the end of the day that's what God cares about when we go to Him. I knew in my heart what God's answer would be...no, of course, and I proceeded to my office where I could get back to my business of dealing with everyone else's business. But as I sat down in my faux-leather chair, I knew that the conversation wasn't over. I knew that God wanted me to homeschool my kids. Never before had He been so quick to answer and so bold. It was as clear as if had He walked right in, looked around my office, peered at me over my dual 21" flat panels and said, "This was all temporary. It has run its course. I need you to give up what you think you want, give up who you think you are supposed to be and be with your kids."

Say what? God, I cannot be hearing you right. What do you mean, "This has run its course?" This business is finally in the right place! Surely I'm misunderstanding. Surely, you just said, 'Whatever you do, don't leave this business to homeschool,' and I just totally heard you wrong. Right? Right, God?

Uh, yeah. No.

The other thing that really struck me in the middle of my argument of giving up my career was how terrified I was at the idea of being with my kids all day. There, I said it. I love my kids. Oh! I love my kidddddds! But when the sacrifice of my "me time" became my biggest argument against what God was asking me to do, I knew there was something there that needed to be dealt with. A big, white light was shining on how scared, lazy and selfish I had become as I made my mental list of "cons," which looked something like this:

-I'm not smart enough
-I'm not organized enough
-My kids will never have friends
-People will think I'm weird
-I was a horrible student, so I will definitely make a horrible teacher
-What about the investments I was planning to make in people's lives...for You?
-What about the business I've been building?
-Who will I even be anymore?
-What if I get worn out?
-What if I realize I'm horrible at it?
-What if I ruin their lives?
-What about...?
-What if...?
-But....?

If you look back over this list, it's pretty evident. It was all about me. It was all about doubts and fears. God had called me to do something big, and I was trying to run and hide under my bed. I had forgotten a huge, game-changing truth. When He calls us to something, no matter how gargantuan, He equips us to do it, and if He's asked us to do it it's for our good and for the good of His Kingdom. Major blind-spot. I had forgotten who God is.

Fortunately, God knew very well who I was. He knew I'd throw excuse after excuse His way, and He was gracious. Patient. He gave me small encouragements and large ones. He put people in my path to share wisdom and truth with me. He led me to amazing resources. Most importantly, He led me to a place where I could say "Yes" in obedience. Okay, it was probably more like, "Okay, fine." But that was alright. I was closing my eyes, holding my breath and diving in.

Today, as we wind down the end of our first homeschooling year, I can honestly tell you it has been one of THE BEST years of my life. It has been more fulfilling than any design project I've ever completed, more rewarding than any paycheck I've ever received. It probably doesn't make much sense, but sacrificing my “wants” has been the most gratifying decision I've ever made in regards to my kids. Losing myself, I found myself. And I wholeheartedly love what I'm doing.

So what is the moral of this story? Does this mean I think everyone should pull their kids out of school and start homeschooling them? Are you a better parent if you do? Are you a worse parent if you don't? No, no and no. I don't even think this blog post is ABOUT homeschooling. Don't be confused by the title.  Don't miss the point. The real question here isn't about how to educate your kids. It’s about living inside of God’s will for your life. The real question for you might be one of these:

Do you need to pray to know God better? Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to ask for help with something? Do you need to pray about whether to leave a job or take one? Do you feel compelled to ask if you should be adopting a child? Moving to another country to be a missionary? Sharing your testimony? Sharing the Gospel with someone? Confessing a sin to someone close to you? Giving up drinking? Smoking? Facebook?  Are you too afraid to ask because the answer might be yes?

Let me encourage you. It may be scary, terrifying, to take that leap, but living in obedience is the most freeing, empowering, rewarding thing you will ever experience. True fulfillment comes when we follow His lead. He is trustworthy, good, and full of surprises.

So, for what it's worth, whatever it is (and you know what it is), take it before the Lord. Listen. Respond. And then brace yourself. Something amazing is about to happen.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing, and perfect will.     -Romans 12:1-2